Friday, 3 December 2010

Hyperreal Reality Distortion Field Generation

A weird new type of industry forms itself around the Oil and Gas sector in Aberdeen and finds cheap office accommodation in the glut of former retail premises located just outside Aberdeen town centre.

Compounding the increasing feeling of hyperreality we feel when walking around Aberdeen, we note that the companies who participate in this industry openly trumpet their expertise in generating reality distortion fields.

From Response Consultants website:
(Our emphasis)
Response Consultants ... provide the following resources, as required, to participate in emergency response exercises and training courses:
Organisation Role Players
Response Consultants has a pool of associate consultants who simulate the role of non-participating organisations in exercises. These professional consultants have a wealth of experience of working in the oil and gas industry but have different skills including coastguard, police, production, safety, personnel and logistics.
Casualties and Evacuees
Response Consultants have a pool of personnel who have experience in simulating casualties and personnel evacuated from offshore in major exercises and evacuation reception training courses.
Relative Role Players
Response Consultants has its own team of relatives role players to generate telephone enquiries from concerned next of kin during exercises and training courses. 
Media Role Players
Response Consultants utilise freelance journalists in training courses and exercises to simulate telephone enquiries from the media, conduct doorstep interviews and attend press conferences.

Fair enough. We're glad that organisations like Response Consultants are helping companies look after their preparedness for this difficult aspect of the intrinsically dangerous industry which to a large extent sustains our town.

However, that last paragraph relating to "Media Role Players" troubles us somewhat. We begin to fear that an expertise in news and agenda management might be on offer here. We've also noticed that an ecosystem of media companies is beginning to spring up with the express aim not of mitigating the effects of any disastrous event upon its victims, but rather of mitigating the unfavourable commercial effects of an adverse event upon the corporate entity responsible.

media response - crisis management - presentation skills

From Frasermedia website:
(Again, our emphasis)
emergency media response training
We can offer you the best and most up-to-date crisis media response training available using a team of industry trained professionals with a wealth of knowledge and many years of experience in television, print and radio news.
We are all journalists, we are still involved in the media and we have all the skills you need to deal with the media.
We will put your team through a ‘realistic’ company crisis and see how they cope with the pressures of the media from beginning to end, offering valuable guidance and advice throughout.
We use a number of media interview techniques throughout the training from telephone interviews through to mock ‘live’ TV interviews. Each interview is recorded and played back so delegates can improve on their performance throughout the day.
Preparation is the key - don’t be caught out – be prepared with Frasermedia Training.
Aberdeen Airport say:
Frasermedia provided media training for five senior managers from Aberdeen Airport, who had next to no media-related experience. By the end of the day, all five had experienced a wide range of simulated scenarios in which they had to think on their feet and deal with unexpected questions, while ensuring the integrity and reputation of the business was protected and maintained.

Yes, Frasermedia will train your bullshist army PR department in the generation of a reality distortion field. They will coach you repeatedly on your performance. Thus - in the regrettable event of something bad happening - your organisation's reputation will be protected and maintained.

So that's all right then.

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