Wednesday, 18 August 2010

The Stately Drives of Pitmuxton

Aberdeen is Tycoon Town: if you're not a tycoon already, you will be soon. As everyone knows, tycoons usually live in lovely big houses, with grand, sweeping, tree-lined drives. It's one of the things which makes rich people so very splendid!


Pitmuxton is a part of Aberdeen where once-grand houses bordered the main roads to the west and south, their sweeping, stately tree-lined drives impressing the high status of the estate-owners upon all who had eyes to see. Today, these houses and their drives are largely gone along with the social order which brought them into being.

Gone though the stately drives of Pitmuxton may be, if we look closely, we can see the effect of this old order upon the psychogeographical environment of today:

This is the drive to Broomhill House today.
The house and outbuildings are gone -
replaced by lockups. But the tree-lined drive
remains - more stately than ever.

This is the gate to Newlands House today.
The house remains, but is today surrounded by
1970's flats and bungalows.
Anyway, so much for the past! What about our up-and-coming tycoons of tomorrow?

Well, it's great that planning policies in Aberdeen allow our arriving class of aspirant tycoons to rehearse their tycoon-hood by building themselves pocket simulacra of the once-stately drives of Pitmuxton.

Nice, clean lines. No dirty plants or insects or anything.
We're perplexed that they've chosen to retain the 'garden refuse'
wheelybin. There can be no filthy 'garden refuse'!
Being on the 'wrong' side of Great Western Road as it is, the vast majority of Pitmuxton is subject to none of the pesky requirements imposed upon hard-pressed homeowners by the strictures of so-called "conservation zone" planning policy.

The wheelybins balance the composition
 created by the pot-plants which flank
the front door. The whole picture is completed
by the tarmac crossover which creates a thrilling
'rollercoaster' effect for pedestrians.
The aspirational would-be tycoons of Pitmuxton are free from these petty planning niggles; free, as homeowners should be, to do what they like with their own property. Front gardens are soooooo time consuming anyway, who needs them? Some nimby naysayer meanie greenie extremist moaning minnies complain that converting front gardens to parking space a lovely driveway can be unsightly and restricts informal surveillance. They say that it radically alters the streetscape and has a negative impact on the character of the town. They moan that increased water-run off will overload drainage channels, they whine that the loss of urban green space will impact biodiversity and they bleat that pedestrians are inconvenienced by the creation of uneven pavement crossovers for cars. And lots of other stuff. There's a bunch of all this moaning here: 43 Reasons Not To Pave. Honestly, what a lot of rubbish! We think they're just jealous. Really, can't they afford a nice car?

This driveway is actually pre-fabricated sheets of plastic.
Which conveniently matches the plastic plants at the front door!

We can't understand why everyone doesn't do it. They must be 'bee-lovers' or poor or weirdos or something.

There's room for at least two silver-grey
German cars there for goodness sake!
All those flowers are sure to attract dangerous bees and other filthy wildlife - ugh!
And look at that mess on the floor!
Unfortunately, some of our proto-tycoons who're just starting out on their arc of success are obliged to live in starter-flats, which have no gardens to convert. In order to preserve appearances and not park on the road (people who use on-street parking look poor!) we recommend PaveParking:

How to do full PaveParking in Pitmuxton

1 comment:

Peter Burnett said...

Aberdeenshire Uber Alles!